Does Difficult Health Mean You’re “Difficult”?
Difficult health does not mean you are a “difficult” person. I’ll say it again. Having health problems does not equate with being a high-maintenance diva. So why does society make us feel this way?
The stigma started for me at birth, literally, as I repeatedly spit up and cried all night with colic. I was immediately deemed “the difficult one” who had no consideration for my family members. And I was constantly compared to my “easy” brothers who had no such issues digesting milk. I have carried the “difficult” label indefinitely, through numerous strep infections, stomach issues, UTIs, mold illness, vestibular issues and back pain. I always dreaded any sort of new health issue as I knew it would feed into my “high-maintenance” label.
Why do chronic health issues come with such a negative perception? It could be as simple as human instinct, where the strong are revered and the weak are rejected. Or it could be that your health problems make others uncomfortable, as they do not know the best way to help or interact. (I have unfortunately seen this with cancer patients, as many longtime friends disappear shortly after they are diagnosed.) It may also be that your limitations create more work as others have to pick up your slack. There are a lot of reasons…however, for the person suffering in a body that won’t work, the lack of support makes everyday life that much more challenging.
What comes along with the “difficult” label is the idea that you are seeking attention, which in my experience is inaccurate and absurd. During my time in functional medicine working with chronically ill people, I have never, not once dealt with a narcissistic, high-drama patient. In fact, it is the opposite. Most patients with long-term health challenges are desperately trying to get better so they do not require any more special treatment.
In fact, it seems as if the most polite and giving people are the ones who are put in a position where they have to be “difficult.” When you have a food allergy, you have to send food back to the kitchen. When you cannot bend, you have to ask for help at the store. When you cannot stand for long periods of time, you may need to get a chair. And most of us do not like to ask for these things. It is almost like we are put in these situations to tap into our inner assertiveness.
Most of the inspirational quotes on my “Health” Pinterest board point to health challenges as a “journey” and I like to look at it this way. Those who are supportive and compassionate, I treasure more than ever. I have learned to advocate for myself after years of being a shrinking violet. I know I am tough enough to withstand many challenges. I have gained wisdom and compassion for others. And I take nothing for granted.
And while society wants to label me “high-maintenance,” I know that what I have learned from my health issues has made me a better person.
