“Wellness” or Well-Being?
A recent headline from Tasting Table on my phone caught my attention: “This was the go-to diet of the world’s oldest person.” As a health coach, I am always looking for information on health and longevity. If this woman, who lived to be 119 years old, had a secret for a long and healthy life, I wanted to know what it was.
Turns out, she drank Coke and coffee, and ate lots of chocolate.
“I think the secret to a long life is to do the things you like,” she said. “Eating the things I like, doing the things I like, I’ve been able to enjoy each and every day.”
This woman, at 119 years old, was able to verbalize something I have been wrestling with for years. Which is, what constitutes wellness? Is it physical health? Exercise? Eating “healthy” foods? Or is it feeling happy and content? Because, to be brutally honest, I do not feel like the concept of “wellness” and actual well-being always go hand-in-hand.
Consider these scenarios:
A group of my long-time friends recently reconnected via text. (I happened to have COVID at the time.) The amicable catching up escalated into “Let’s all do a squat challenge!” within minutes. The idea was to build up to 240 squats per day by the end of the month. I mentioned that I had several slipped discs and this would not work for my back. “That’s okay, Katie, just do what you can,” someone responded condescendingly. And every day they proceeded to applaud each other for completing their squats, while I silently lamented my decrepit body. I was telling my daughter, a yoga teacher, about the competition (that’s really what it was) and she spoke a brutal truth: “What they are doing is not about health. 240 squats a day? That’s the opposite of health.” The shame of not being able to keep up really didn’t help my mental health either.
A friend of mine is dating someone who runs marathons and hangs out with a fitness-oriented club. The club gets together often, and my friend is frequently subjected to criticism because she does not participate in marathons. She has repeatedly told them that she has Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, and can be seriously injured by running long distances. She does exercises recommended by her physical therapist that are safe for HER. My daughter running a marathon or even a 10K? Again, the opposite of health.
There are a number of practitioners and influencers in “health and wellness” who use their platform to boast about their practices and achievements. “Look at this healthy dinner I am making tonight! This is why I feel great!” Well, good for you. Some of us have jobs and families, and do not have hours to prepare a meal. “Look at my workout routine!” Again, is two hours a day with a personal trainer realistic for everyone? These workout influencers are particularly toxic to younger people, who often end up with exercise addictions or eating disorders as a result of trying to keep up.
What I am trying to illustrate through these examples is the pervasive belief that certain things are “healthy”; exercise, the more the better; eating certain foods and avoiding others; going to yoga classes and doing meditation. And, as someone who works in the health industry, I can attest that trying to keep up with these standards is exhausting. I exercise, but in a limited capacity because of my back; I have tried yoga and meditation, and to be honest, I hate it. The focus on calm makes my brain even more chaotic. And eating right…as someone who has had eating disorders, the emphasis on eating a certain way can be very triggering.
Most people in the health industry, particularly functional medicine, categorize carbs as sugar. As in, pretzels, popcorn, bread, cereal, etc. Well, I happen to LOVE carbs. And, back in the day, as a “fat-free” food they were recommended as a healthy snack. Now, they are demonized. I still eat them, but now feel guilty about it. (My health coaching cohort chastised a fellow coach for his carb consumption, even though he was eating whole grains before an athletic competition. I can’t even imagine what they would say about my snacks. Yes, health coaches even shame each other.)
So would someone like me enjoy great health by cutting carbs, doing yoga, and meditating? No, and I would hate my life. That is why I love the 119-year-old’s statement so much. Life is to be enjoyed. Do I need to eat an entire bag of chocolate daily to be happy? No. But I don’t want to feel bad about having a few pieces. A day without chocolate would be terrible.
As a health coach, it is my role to help clients optimize their health in a way that works for them. For example, if coffee and a donut is what gets you out of the bed in the morning, let’s find a donut that has healthier ingredients and maybe eat it with a piece of turkey sausage to avoid a blood sugar spike. And for coffee, maybe switch out the one with whipped cream and 70 grams of sugar for a regular cup with a little stevia and milk. Full deprivation will lead to a breakdown sooner or later; tweaking the little things that make you happy is the best option for long-term success.
As far as hobbies, if you love yoga and meditation, go for it. But if you are doing it out of obligation, you may want to stop and reconsider. In coaching, there is a term called “flow” which means enjoying an activity so much you lose track of time. And this is the relaxation sweet spot that you need to aim for, whether it be walking around a mall, going to a coffee shop, watching an hour of trash TV or playing a round of golf. Doing whatever makes YOU happy is your path to mental health, and you should not feel guilty if it does not fit society’s “health goals.”
Because at the end of the day, health is not a competition. What you need to feel good is not the same as what I need to feel good. Everyone is born with different DNA; and no one has followed the same path as you. There are so many factors, including genes, life experiences, socioeconomic status, injuries and illness, relationships, that shape who we are. How can there be a one-size-fits-all prescription for physical and mental health?
I try my best every day to make good choices. That is all we can really do, isn’t it?
I think a newsroom exchange from years ago sums things up perfectly. (Before becoming a health coach, I was a reporter.) I walked into the lunchroom one day, and an editor asked me about an article I was working on about a young woman who was run over by a garbage truck while on her morning jog.
“If I got hit by a garbage truck tomorrow, I would have wished that I ate more McDonald’s,” he said.
Agreed, Ken. Agreed.
